Gorgeous Day
Well today was a beautiful day! Well, scratch that, IS a beautiful day. It's only 1:06 in the afternoon. I only had one hour of class today, and now I'm sitting here delaying the inevitable.....homework. It's not that I mind doing it, but with this weather all I can think about is going outside for a walk, or going to Matt's and spending time with him lol. I don't want to be cooped up in the house!I'm currently nibbling on some absolutely delightful toffee scones. These things are deadly. They're so soft, and sweet and oh so yummy! They should really be made illegal lol. Then I wouldn't eat so many of them!
After having people read my Amelia story, I had so many comments to the effect that I should be a children's author that it's started to make me think. My mom feels confident that I can build a world around this little girl, give her some friends, a pet, etc...and it would stand a chance at being a great success. Matt, and Steve feel that as well. I've always wanted to write children's stories, I guess I just lack the confidence to ever try. But, I've decided that I'm going to write down ideas as they come to me, and who knows, maybe some stories will come out of it and I'll be brave enough to try and get them published. So, you'll probably see stories pop up on here from time to time.
A strange thing happened today. I've been thinking a lot about the summer, and what's going to happen with me. Whether I'll get a job here and be able to stay with Matt, or whether I'll have to go back home. I was thinking about it this morning on the bus, and again, I had "Everything will work out fine" whispered into my ear. The first time this happened I was home on break and was stressing out about almost this exact same thing. The first time it happened it was quite literally a whisper. This time it was more inside my head, the thought just appeared, but it wasn't my voice. Anyway, I became very calm and relaxed. I like to think it's my grandma watching over me, making sure I don't drive myself insane with stress lol. Matt likes to think so too, and he's thanked her on a couple of occassions for helping me stay sane hehe.
On the note of my grandma, I really miss her. The 8 month anniversary of her death just passed early last week. I have her picture on my headboard and I smile at it everyday. I like to think she can watch me through that....her window to my world so to speak. I know she doesn't need it, that she can come back anytime she likes, but I like to think that if I smile at that picture she smiles back. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I guess because there's so much going on in my life that she would have wanted to know about. She would have been thrilled about the marks I'm getting in school, and how well I'm managing on my own. I think she really would have liked Matt, I just wish she could have had a chance to meet him. She passed away before him and I started dating. She had only ever seen pictures of him. I'm quite sure she would have said he was a nice looking young man, and that he was very nice. It just seems like a very grandma-like thing to say hehe.
I'm so proud of how well my grandpa has been doing since her death. He has things pretty much under control. After 53 years of marriage, I was worried about how he would manage without her. What I find so beautiful is that he talks to her picture in the mornings, and he runs his life the same way he did when she was alive. He still cleans the house once a week (for fear of a haunting I think lol), pays the bills, and does the laundry. He's very self-sufficient. My grandma trained him well. He gets his bad days, but that's to be expected after 53 years of sharing your life with someone. And one image always pops into my head when I think of my grandpa on his own. When my grandma was dying, and we were in the room, I was watching my grandpa with her. When her final moments were coming her eyes were so green! She had one final lucid moment before she passed, and in that moment my grandpa held her hands in his, and looked in her eyes and said that he loved her. He repeated it through tears, and kept repeating it. And all I could see in her eyes was that she loved him too. Without using words, she was telling him that she loved him. The energies of love in that room were unreal. And it was from that moment on that I realized that my grandpa would never really be alone. My grandma's spirit, and the love they shared, would always be alive. To me, that is immortality. And as I sit here crying, typing this, I don't fear death like I used to. I don't fear death because now I understand that you live on through love, through the friendships you make, and the relationships you create. Your body may die, but your spirit lives on. And I know that my grandpa will never let the spirit of my grandma die. To me, that is part of what true love really is.
Sara
posted by Sara @ 4:37 p.m.
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