The Joys of Reality...
Well, I'm off to drop off some resumes to the local school boards today. I'm hoping to land an EA job, which would be great! I'm applying to the public school board as well as the Catholic school board. I'm not Catholic, but my friends mom has been getting my name around, and a principle of one of the local Catholic schools said I should get my resumes in ASAP, he says my qualifications are great and I stand a good chance of getting hired. So here I am, drinking my coffee, nervous about dropping off my resumes.
I wrote my last exam yesterday, and reality is setting in. I have 5 weeks of placement and then I'm in the real world. I won't have the security and comfort zone of school. It's come the time of Do or Die...Sink or Swim. (Think I could use another cliche??). I'm willing to take any job I can get at first, just to get money coming in. Then I'll focus on getting the job I want. I don't want to have to leave North Bay because I want to be able to stay and live with Matt, so I'll take what I can get at first. As long as I can make enough to meet rent and bills, then that's all that matters. Everything else is secondary. Between the two of us, I think Matt and I will be able to make things work.
If I can get a fulltime or two part time jobs as an EA (education assistant), I'd be laughing. I'd be stressed out, but I'd be making great money. Pair that with the money Matt could be making at the Comm Centre, we'd be set. We could get a nice apartment and start focusing on paying down our student loans, and various other debt. I don't want to count our chickens before they hatch (see another cliche!), but it could all work out so perfectly. I just keep sending out the positive vibes, and telling the universe we deserve it. We've had to endure a lot of hardships in the 8 months we've been together, and we've survived all of it, and come out stronger in the end. It's due time for some reward, and I want this to be it. I want this so bad, I can taste it. And Matt does too. We're more than ready to get out on our own and start our life together. So I'm telling the universe that I want it, I'll respect the gift I'm given, and make the most of it. I'm determined to make a success of myself.
With that said, I'm a little less nervous about handing in these resumes. In fact I'm starting to get excited. It would just be easier to get there if I had a car lol. I HATE BUSES!!!!!
Sara
Is it just me...
Or did Amelia's adventures take on a more serious tone today? Not as light-hearted as her first one? I wasn't feeling particularly silly today, but Amelia was insistent on having those two adventures. I couldn't keep her quiet, so I figured it was better to get the stories down rather than shut them away. The direction I'd really like to take Amelia is a sillier direction. I don't mind having the occassional "serious" story, but I like silliness. I'll keep these two stories, because it could lead to a different type of storyline, but like I said, I'd really like to keep things silly.
Amelia is giving me another idea as we speak, but I think I'll just jot this one down rather than create a story because want to make it silly. I'm not in a silly mood right now.
Am I the only one that thinks that the stories should be silly? Or are the little doses of realism with the real animals in the adventures good? I like the stories, but they seem to be missing the life and vibrancy of the first one I wrote.
Hmmm...something to think about I guess.
Sara
Amelia's Adventures in the Arctic
Amelia’s Adventures in the Arctic.
Amelia is a little girl with an active imagination. Today Amelia was sitting on her front step with her dog Seamus looking for something to do. Her best friend Emily was gone on vacation, so Amelia had no one around to play with.
As Amelia was sitting there, scratching Seamus behind the ears, she saw a bright white ice truck drive by. Amelia suddenly jumped up and ran into the house. She ran down the hallway, Seamus hot on her heels, to the hall closet. Amelia started tossing old hats and mitts over her shoulder, looking for something. Seamus was barking excitedly and grabbing random hats and mitts, and shaking them around.
Amelia’s mother heard the racket and came out of the living room. "Amelia, what on earth are you doing?" Amelia whipped around, her hair messed up, and her cheeks flushed. "I’m looking for my winter clothes, mom." Amelia’s mom looked funny at Amelia, "But it’s not winter, honey. You’ll get too hot in them." "Not where I’m going," replied Amelia, and she went back on her search.
Finally Amelia found her snowsuit, her hat, her mitts, and her big winter boots. She quickly got dressed, grabbed an extra hat, and then ran out into the backyard. Amelia’s mother watched her run out of the door, shook her head and said, "I’ll never understand that girl," and went back to the living room.
Out in the backyard, Amelia was sitting in the shade of a big oak tree. She had her eyes closed, and Seamus was sitting in front of her, his head cocked to one side. But suddenly!
A cold winter chill hit the air! Seamus jumped up and looked around. Amelia opened her eyes. They were in the arctic!
Amelia started laughing. She could barely see Seamus! She took the extra hat she brought and stuck it on his head. Not only would it help her keep track of him, but it would keep him warm too! Once Amelia and Seamus were ready, they headed out on their adventure.
It wasn’t long before Amelia and Seamus came across some tracks in the snow. Amelia decided to follow them, maybe they could catch up to whatever animal made them. It didn’t take long before Amelia could see a small white animal walking ahead of them.
Amelia wondered what it could. As they got closer Amelia grabbed Seamus’s collar. Amelia took a closer look at the animal and saw that it was an arctic fox! They were a lot smaller than she thought they would be. She wanted to get closer, but she was afraid that Seamus would scare it away. She decided to turn around and head in a different direction.
Amelia was hoping to come across some playful polar bears, or some rambunctious reindeer. She decided to stop and take a rest. She sat down in the snow and threw snowballs for Seamus to chase. She was suddenly struck with an idea!
Amelia decided she wanted to make a snowman. There was all this snow around, why not? She started rolling her first snowball. She rolled, and she rolled, and she rolled. The ball got to be bigger than she was, so she left it and stood up. But as she stood up, she looked over her snowball and saw…
A polar bear! It was a mother polar bear and a cub. Amelia wanted so desperately to go over and play with the cute cub and its mom! Amelia watched the mother bear and her cub for a few minutes when she felt a poke on her leg. She looked down and saw Seamus holding a snowball in his mouth. He hadn’t seen them! She stooped and took ahold of Seamus’s collar and waited for the mother bear and cub to go on their way.
When the bears left Amelia shrieked, "Wow! I can’t believe we saw a polar bear, Seamus! I can’t wait to tell mom!" Seamus bounced around, barking and wagging his tail excitedly. He didn’t know why he was jumping, but if Amelia was doing it, then so would he. Suddenly, Amelia heard the snow crunch behind her. She turned around and looked.
A reindeer! Just what she wanted to see! Seamus was too busy running around in circles to notice that Amelia had walked away. As Amelia approached the reindeer it took a step back. Amelia stood still for a moment and watched the reindeer.
The reindeer looked at Amelia with its big brown eyes. After a few minutes it turned and walked away. Amelia ran over to Seamus, grinning. "Wow! A real reindeer, Seamus! Isn’t it great?" Seamus licked Amelia’s face and wagged his tail. "Mom’s never going to believe it!"
Just then Amelia heard her mother call. "Amelia, it’s time to come in!" Amelia put Seamus down in the snow and looked at her half-built snowman. "Well Seamus, I guess we didn’t get to build our snowman after all. I guess we better go home before mom gets mad." Amelia closed her eyes.
When she opened her eyes she was back home sitting underneath the big oak tree in her backyard. Amelia’s mother had left the backdoor open for her. Amelia jumped up and went running into the house. She ripped off her winter clothes and went bounding into the living room. "You wouldn’t believe what I was just doing!"
Amelia’s mother looked down at Amelia, "You were just sitting under the tree, weren’t you?" Amelia started laughing, and told her mom all about the quiet arctic fox, the mother polar bear and her cub, and the curious reindeer. Amelia’s mother looked at Amelia and said, "Amelia honey, you have one wild imagination."
Amelia’s mother got up to leave the living room. When she walked out into the hallway she stepped in a cold wet spot on the floor. She looked down the hallway and saw slushy wet boot prints all the way down the hallway and out the backdoor. Amelia’s mom turned around and looked at Amelia. Just then Seamus came bounding down the hallway, still wearing his hat. Amelia started giggling. "Just a wild imagination, mom, remember?"
The End.
Copyright Sara Janssen 2005. All Rights Reserved.
Amelia's Adventures in the Amazon
Amelia is a girl with an active imagination. Today Amelia and her best friend Emily are sitting outside in Amelia’s sandbox. Amelia's dog Seamus is snuffling loudly in the grass beside her, his white ears stuck straight up and his tail straight as an arrow.
Amelia stretched out, warming her belly on the sand and closed her eyes. She imagined herself laying in the plains of Africa, sunning herself with the lions. She let out a huge yawn, and growled quietly. Her best friend Emily giggled.
"What are you doing?" asked Emily.
"I’m laying in the plains with the lions," said Amelia, sitting back up again.
"No you’re not, you’re sitting right here with me, in the sandbox," replied Emily.
"No, I was sunning myself with the lions. Haven’t you ever imagined yourself somewhere else?" asked Amelia.
"Well yeah, but never something that weird," said Emily.
"Well, how about we play a game? I’ve always wanted to see the rainforest, why don’t we go there?"
"But we can’t. We’re in your backyard."
"Just trust me. Close your eyes," said Amelia as she closed her own eyes.
All of a sudden it felt like the sandbox was whirling and twirling and whizzing about. Amelia started giggling, but Emily wasn’t so happy. Poor Emily was clutching her stomach, keeping her eyes clamped shut so she couldn’t accidentally peek over the edge to see what was happening. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
The sandbox stopped. Emily could hear strange new sounds around her, but she kept her eyes closed tight. Amelia tapped Emily on the shoulder, "Open your eyes silly, it’s okay."
Amelia laughed as she watched Emily open her eyes. Emily couldn’t believe what she was seeing! There were huge trees all around her! Trees that she had never ever seen before! They were in the middle of the Amazon Rainforest! Suddenly Emily jumped and screamed, "What was that! Something touched my leg!"
Amelia burst into giggles. "It’s just Seamus! He must have jumped into the sandbox with us!" She bent down to scratch Seamus behind his ears, but he was too interested in the Squirrel Monkeys chirping madly in the treetops. Amelia giggled some more as Seamus tried his best to climb up between two trees. Those mischievous monkeys were certainly having fun teasing Seamus.
Amelia stepped outside of the sandbox and started to look around. It was so beautiful! Everything was so green, the flowers were bright colours, and the animal noises were so strange! She motioned for Emily to join her as she walked down a path.
It wasn’t long before both girls came upon the oddest sight! Way up high in the trees were bright yellow bunches of bananas! "I always thought they just came from the grocery store," said Emily. Amelia laughed and said, "Me too," and the two girls kept walking.
Amelia suddenly stopped and crouched down on her hands and knees. The moist earth beneath her caked onto her skin. "What are you doing?" asked Emily.
"I’m about to go running with the jaguars, don’t you see them?"
Emily turned and looked, and sure enough she could see jaguars a little off the path, watching the two girls very closely. Emily thought she could hear a low, deep rumbling sound coming from their direction. "Um, Amelia? I don’t think they want you to run with them. I think we’re supposed to run away from them!" Emily started running away as fast as she could.
Amelia started to run after Emily. She found her a little further up the path, sitting on a fallen tree. She was watching something on her lap. As Amelia got closer she saw that a Longwinged Butterfly was crawling on Emily’s lap.
"Isn’t it beautiful?" said Emily, "It just landed here after I sat down."
Amelia looked closer and smiled, "It is beautiful, but we have to keep moving. I don’t want those jaguars finding us, or Seamus."
Just as she said his name, Seamus came racing up beside her, covered in mud from head to toe. His tail was wagging furiously and he was panting so hard his tongue was almost touching the ground.
"Seamus! Where have you been? You’re disgusting!"
Seamus wagged his tail happily and looked up.
Amelia and Emily followed Seamus’ gaze up into the trees and saw a sleepy old sloth hanging from the branches.
"Oh wow, a sloth!" exclaimed Amelia. Amelia climbed up onto the fallen tree and tried to figure out how to climb up to the sloth. She wanted a closer look. Out of the distance the girls heard a voice say, "Girls! It’s time to come in!" The two girls looked at each other, and Amelia yelled, "Just a sec mom, we’re in the jungle! We’ll be home in a minute!"
Amelia jumped off of the fallen tree and took Emily’s hand, "Come on, we have to go home!"
Both girls started running down the path to the sandbox. Seamus was running far ahead of the girls, bouncing and growling at the monkeys still chirping in the treetops.
As the girls reached the sandbox Amelia stopped and turned around, "Just a second, I forgot something." Amelia walked back down the path a way, bent over to pick something up, put it in her back pocket, and then walked back to the sandbox.
"What did you forget?" asked Emily.
"You’ll see," said Amelia.
Seamus jumped into the sandbox, and both girls closed their eyes. Emily wasn’t looking forward to this part. The sandbox started whirling and twirling and whizzing about again. Amelia let out a giggle, and Seamus started barking. Almost as quickly as the sandbox started spinning, it stopped again.
Amelia opened her eyes and jumped out of the sandbox. "Come on Emily, we’re home!" Emily opened her eyes and her jaw dropped. They were home! But how --?
Amelia started giggling, "All it takes is a little bit of imagination and you can go anywhere."
Amelia took Emily’s hand and they walked together up to the backdoor where Amelia’s mom was waiting.
"Where were you girls? I heard a lot of giggling but I couldn’t see you," said Amelia’s mom.
"Oh, we were in the Amazon rainforest mom. It was really beautiful!" said Amelia. She told her mom all about the squirrel monkeys that teased Seamus, the bananas way up in the trees, the jaguars that were watching them, Emily’s longwinged butterfly, and the sleepy sloths.
Amelia’s mom laughed, "Amelia honey, you have one wild imagination. Come in for dinner."
Amelia was trying to hold back her laughter as she pulled a small wild purple orchid from her back pocket and handed it to her mom. "Here, I picked this for you, mom."
Amelia’s mom looked shocked. Emily’s eyes widened, and she yelled "Where did that come from?" Amelia looked at her and laughed, "From the rainforest. I picked it just before we left. I thought my mom would like it."
"But, we-"
Amelia lead Emily into the house, "I just have a wild imagination, Emily. Let’s eat dinner."
The End.
Copyright Sara Janssen 2005. All Rights Reserved.
Creativity Finally Paid Me A Visit
Well I had been on a creative drought for almost a month. That hasn't happened in a while. My good friend Steve sent me one of his poems a month ago and asked me if I could come up with a drawing for it. Steve loves my art. I sometimes think he's completely insane, but ah well. I enjoy doing it, so it's nice to have a fan lol.
Anyway, I read the poem and had a lot of images running through my head but I couldn't pin down any single one. So I put the poem down and just let my mind work over the images. Nothing was really sticking, and I was having serious creative block. So I left it for almost a month. I finally sat down one day at my computer, printed up Steve's poem and read it again. I got hit with an image strictly from the title. I threw in a few aspects from other ideas in the poem and I had an image to go with. I grabbed my pencil and my sketchbook and I got....NADA! Absolutely nothing!! My muse was not with me that day. Everything I drew looked like crap. So I just put my pencils away and sulked lol. That was a few days ago.
Today, I was bored after reorganizing my shelves and cleaning my bathroom. I ate my dinner, and got thinking about the image in my head again. I thought about getting my sketchbook, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know why, but I've started associating my sketchbook with creative-block. NOT GOOD! I thought about it for a second, grabbed a crappy pencil from my jar, a small stack of blank printer paper and I started sketching. Below is what came out.
Halo Slipping Down - step 1
It's a little hard to see, but there it is. It was the basic shell of what had been floating around in my head for a little while. It felt so good to finally get it down on paper! I don't hesitate to tell you that I was very wary of trying to finish it. But, I mustered my courage and I boldly soldiered on.
To see the next step in the process, see my next post.
Sara
Taking Creativity One Step Further....
So, after forcing myself to take my idea one step further, I started to fill in the blanks. I decided I wanted my anonymous girl to have dark hair with streaks, or chunks. She was going to be holding her halo with one hand, and reaching for it with the other.
Lemme tell you something about those hands. THEY WERE A NIGHTMARE!! Okay, no wait...that's not fair. The first hand was an absolute dream, it came out of nothing. It was like it just appeared there with little to no effort. That would be the hand actually grasping the halo, on the left side. The hand on the right, mind you, gave me serious SERIOUS problems. Now, I LOVe drawing hands, quite seriously, it's one of my favourite things to draw. But this one.....Oooooooh this one made me rethink why it is I love to draw hands. I couldn't get the angle right to save my soul!!! I even tried taking a picture of my hand in the position I wanted it to be in for the drawing. That in itself was a feat that turned out to be horribly entertaining. Thank god I was in my room by myself lol. Anyway, after a good 20 minutes of drawing hands and erasing them, I came out with the hand you currently see here. Okay, fine. Not perfect, but I can deal. I've done worse, and have seen much worse. I can live with it.
So I coloured her hair, shaded her eyes a touch, drew the clock in the background. I stepped back and realize that I have to come up with a background for her. I was definitely not finished lol.
Halo Slipping Down - Rough Step 2
To see where I take the drawing, read my next post.
Sara
My Creativity Finds Fruition In A Drawing.....
After sending the second step of my drawing to Steve, he provided me with some excellent feedback. He also provided me with a suggestion. Steve doesn't usually make suggestions with my art because he says that he loves my visions, but when he does pipe up, it's usually with a good idea. He suggested that I attach the halo to the clock with puppet strings. At first I was a little jilted by the idea. I think that was just the snotty artist coming through....I try to keep her quiet. I always try to be open to suggestions and criticisms. I was hesitant to try it at first, but as I was drawing it, I figured....if I didn't like it, I could just erase it. The joys of pencils lol.
So, I darkened the numbers on the clock, the hands, and fiddled with the background. I decided to put clouds, making the clock above the girl, and thus making sense to the puppet strings Steve had suggested. I started shading, smudging, and darkening. It was time for the strings. I tried to picture in my head how exactly someone would fashion strings onto a halo. I decided to just go with what I thought would look good. I made some strings longer, made them wavy to make it look like they had been cut, or were loose. And what would you know? I liked it!! Like I said, Steve doesn't suggest often, but when he does, it's usually good hehe.
After that it was just a matter of doing some extra shading on her face to make her look a little more three dimensional, adjust her eyes a touch, and make sure that everything that was supposed to be outlined was outlined. The result was this:
Halo Slipping Down - Final
Copyright Sara Janssen 2005. Do Not Use Without Permission.I took a picture of my drawing and sent it off to Steve. He absolutely loved it. In typical "Me" fashion, I see all the mistakes and little imperfections, but overall I'm pleased with it. I titled it after Steve's poem, which was inspired by A Perfect Circle's song "The Noose". The title of the drawing is "Halo Slipping Down".
For those artists reading this, I used:
Staedtler 4B, 3B, 2B, F, 4H pencils
Standard Printer Paper
Good Ole Majesta kleenex (for smudging)
Crappy HB Pencil (for rough outline)
Keep checking back for other art concepts. Hoepfully I won't go through another serious creative block.
Sara
I have a new goal....
I really need to work on being more positive. I firmly believe that the energy you send out is the energy you get back. If you send out negative vibes, you get negative results in your life. Well, I would like to state here and now that I'm turning over a new leaf. To be honest I have a tendency to lean towards the negative. I get downhearted and frustrated when things aren't going as planned. I feel the need to control every aspect of my life, and I go insane and get really cranky when I can't lol.
From this moment on, I'm going to try my best to be as positive as I can. I really need to be at this point in my life because there are a lot of frustrating times heading my way. Between Matt looking for work, me graduating and looking for work, and the possibility of having to move away from Matt instead of into an apartment with him, I could very easily drive myself insane trying to control situations that it would be impossible to control. And honestly, I have been driving myself insane. I obsess about it and talk about it all the time, trying to work things out. I've realized that I have to take things as they come, and I know that Matt and I will do whatever we have to do get through. Our relationship is strong. It can withstand the hardships to come, I know it.
I now create more strength and open myself to the flows of positive energy. I gratefully accept success in my endeavours.
Sara
Gorgeous Day
Well today was a beautiful day! Well, scratch that, IS a beautiful day. It's only 1:06 in the afternoon. I only had one hour of class today, and now I'm sitting here delaying the inevitable.....homework. It's not that I mind doing it, but with this weather all I can think about is going outside for a walk, or going to Matt's and spending time with him lol. I don't want to be cooped up in the house!
I'm currently nibbling on some absolutely delightful toffee scones. These things are deadly. They're so soft, and sweet and oh so yummy! They should really be made illegal lol. Then I wouldn't eat so many of them!
After having people read my Amelia story, I had so many comments to the effect that I should be a children's author that it's started to make me think. My mom feels confident that I can build a world around this little girl, give her some friends, a pet, etc...and it would stand a chance at being a great success. Matt, and Steve feel that as well. I've always wanted to write children's stories, I guess I just lack the confidence to ever try. But, I've decided that I'm going to write down ideas as they come to me, and who knows, maybe some stories will come out of it and I'll be brave enough to try and get them published. So, you'll probably see stories pop up on here from time to time.
A strange thing happened today. I've been thinking a lot about the summer, and what's going to happen with me. Whether I'll get a job here and be able to stay with Matt, or whether I'll have to go back home. I was thinking about it this morning on the bus, and again, I had "Everything will work out fine" whispered into my ear. The first time this happened I was home on break and was stressing out about almost this exact same thing. The first time it happened it was quite literally a whisper. This time it was more inside my head, the thought just appeared, but it wasn't my voice. Anyway, I became very calm and relaxed. I like to think it's my grandma watching over me, making sure I don't drive myself insane with stress lol. Matt likes to think so too, and he's thanked her on a couple of occassions for helping me stay sane hehe.
On the note of my grandma, I really miss her. The 8 month anniversary of her death just passed early last week. I have her picture on my headboard and I smile at it everyday. I like to think she can watch me through that....her window to my world so to speak. I know she doesn't need it, that she can come back anytime she likes, but I like to think that if I smile at that picture she smiles back. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I guess because there's so much going on in my life that she would have wanted to know about. She would have been thrilled about the marks I'm getting in school, and how well I'm managing on my own. I think she really would have liked Matt, I just wish she could have had a chance to meet him. She passed away before him and I started dating. She had only ever seen pictures of him. I'm quite sure she would have said he was a nice looking young man, and that he was very nice. It just seems like a very grandma-like thing to say hehe.
I'm so proud of how well my grandpa has been doing since her death. He has things pretty much under control. After 53 years of marriage, I was worried about how he would manage without her. What I find so beautiful is that he talks to her picture in the mornings, and he runs his life the same way he did when she was alive. He still cleans the house once a week (for fear of a haunting I think lol), pays the bills, and does the laundry. He's very self-sufficient. My grandma trained him well. He gets his bad days, but that's to be expected after 53 years of sharing your life with someone. And one image always pops into my head when I think of my grandpa on his own. When my grandma was dying, and we were in the room, I was watching my grandpa with her. When her final moments were coming her eyes were so green! She had one final lucid moment before she passed, and in that moment my grandpa held her hands in his, and looked in her eyes and said that he loved her. He repeated it through tears, and kept repeating it. And all I could see in her eyes was that she loved him too. Without using words, she was telling him that she loved him. The energies of love in that room were unreal. And it was from that moment on that I realized that my grandpa would never really be alone. My grandma's spirit, and the love they shared, would always be alive. To me, that is immortality. And as I sit here crying, typing this, I don't fear death like I used to. I don't fear death because now I understand that you live on through love, through the friendships you make, and the relationships you create. Your body may die, but your spirit lives on. And I know that my grandpa will never let the spirit of my grandma die. To me, that is part of what true love really is.
Sara
